Telltale signs that your student is being Bullied

Being the recipient of bullying or showing aggressive behavior towards others is becoming an increasingly predominant experience among students. The cyber space has opened up a whole new avenue for bullying to take place and parents and educators need to be aware of the potential for online bullying. As parents and educators, you are instrumental in preventing bullying and helping students who are both the recipients and aggressors. There are many signs to alert you to students who are being bullied or who may be displaying aggressive behavior towards others.

Emotional and behavioral signs that your student is being bullied

You know your student better than anyone else and changes in behavior are more noticeable to you. Even if you have always enjoyed a close relationship with your student, they may not feel comfortable telling you when they are being bullied. This may be due to fear of reprisals or that you will take action which will embarrass them further. Signs that your student is being bullied include:

• Fear of going to school or engaging in after school activities
• Low self-esteem and negative comments about themselves
• Displaying anxiety or fear
• Isolating themselves from their group of friends or peers
• Sudden unexplained illnesses that are recurring like headaches or stomach aches
• Losing money, lunch and other items
• Irritability and unhappiness or depression
• Disturbed sleep patterns

If your child is the aggressor, there are some signs that they may be bullying other students which include:

• Student may have trouble resisting peer pressure
• They are bossy and manipulative
• They lack empathy
• They are quick to anger and resort to aggression to solve problems rather than reason and discussion
• They have money or things that you didn’t buy them
• They are secretive and uncommunicative

Of course the behaviors above can be attributed to other phases or challenges that all teenagers have to go through, but it’s best to act if you suspect that there is a problem. Speak to your student about their behavior in a loving and caring way. You can also consult with your student’s teacher and friends to get a better idea of what’s going on during school hours.

Most schools have strict bullying regulations and can help you to deal with bullying in a way that is constructive for both the aggressor and the victim. Be sure to include your student in any discussions about what action is to be taken when dealing with situations that directly affect them.

Even if your child isn’t a victim of bullying, speaking with them about it will help them to recognize the signs and not support the practice of bullying and assist students who are in difficult situations to come forward and get help.

Social Networks and Teens: A Parent's Guide

Social networks like Facebook have become so much a part of our culture that our teens may find it hard to believe that there was a time before the internet. As in all spheres of social life, there’s are dangers inherent in participating in social networking. Here is a guide to ensuring that your students stay safe on social networks.

Privacy and Trust

Don’t be offended if your teen rejects your friend request. Reading their social network sites is just like listening in on their phone conversations, reading their texts or peeking in their diaries. While students are entitled to a modicum of privacy and trust, you still have a responsibility to protect them. The internet provides a certain anonymity that means that people posing as their friends will have access to all their personal information.

Social networking sites are inevitable and crucial for the modern teen to effectively communicate with their friends. Sharing photos and videos inspires creativity and written communications improve their writing skills. Since your teen is going to be participating, it’s best to outline rules and guidelines to help them to safely navigate social networking sites.

Rules and Guidelines

Talk about which sites your students can belong to and set up your own account so you can familiarize yourself with the way in which the site works. Help your  student to set up the site (make sure that they are old enough to comply with the site’s age restrictions) and show them how the privacy settings work. Explain carefully to them why the privacy settings are important and regularly check that they have not been changed.

Make it a rule that your student doesn’t friend anyone that they haven’t already met in person and don’t know. You can even get younger students to check with you before they accept a friend request. Ensure that photos posted to ensure that they are appropriate and don’t reveal any information that could tell someone which school they attend or where they live.

Regularly Google your students to see what pictures and information are out there. Sometimes their friends may post personal information or pictures that you may not want online. Be vigilant and ask your student to show you what they have been up to online.

It is your responsibility to monitor the sites your students use and the information that they post. Set up guidelines and rules for internet use and be sure to discuss the consequences of posting inappropriate information or pictures. Discuss cyber bullying and how they should react if they receive any messages or posts that are offensive or hurtful. Ask the school for their policy on social bullying and discuss this with your student too.

Help your Student to Fit In at School

Of course you want your student to be an individual who is not a slave to peer pressure, but a sense of belonging is essential to the health and wellbeing of every student. If your student feels like they don’t fit in, there are ways in which you can encourage greater social interaction so that they feel part of a group and enjoy a happy social life. Students who do have a healthy social circle will do better academically.

A sense of self-worth

Foster a sense of self-identity in your student by providing positive reinforcement. Focus on their strengths and encourage them to find an identity through what they wear and what they think. Teach them that being generous and kind to everyone, regardless of the clique or group they come from, is the best way to make friends.

Active listening

As students mature, they may be going through difficult social situations or bullying without telling you because they fear your involvement. Often students don’t want advice or are afraid that you will take action that will embarrass them. Instead, practice active listening — listen to your students without offering advice or criticizing. Instead, try phrases like: “It sounds like you had a really bad day…”, “I’m so sorry that that happened to you…” or “I hear what you are saying…” Active listening is a great way to get your student to communicate; you can monitor the situation to see if they are experiencing any bullying or if they are managing on their own. Establishing communications can be really tricky with older students, so persevere. If your students ask for advice, be constructive rather than critical. Active listening is really challenging for parents as they want to make things better. Instead you have to separate your needs from what your student needs. Establishing a connection is more important so that your student will turn to you when they are in real trouble or in need of help. Resist the urge to solve problems or dispense advice in favor of creating connections.

Check in with teachers

If you notice a change in your student’s behavior or circle of friends, check in with their teachers to see if they are doing ok. Teachers and councilors can help you get an insight into events at school and how best to deal with them. Periods of not fitting in socially are completely normal. Perhaps your student has changed grades or schools or maybe they have had a falling out with their clique. Learning to deal with these changes and learning to fit in are all part of growing up. It’s difficult for parents because they often have insights they want to share or solutions to their student’s problems and they have a natural desire to want to help their children. It’s important to maintain a connection with your students, so often you will have to listen to them and resist the urge to get involved. That way, when they really need help, they know they can come to you and are more likely to do so.