Helping Teens to Resist Peer Pressure

Peer pressure is tough for teens to deal with. While you can’t spare them from exposure to peer pressure, you can provide them with the skills to deal with it. Learning to deal with peer pressure will be an invaluable life skill for your teens to learn.

Why teens are less responsible

If you are frustrated that your teen doesn’t seem to think of the consequences of their actions, then you are not alone. Teens act in the heat of the moment for a very good reason; their prefrontal cortex has not completely developed. The prefrontal cortex is what we use to make responsible decisions and react in acceptable ways to peer pressure. From the US Department of health: “This brain region [prefrontal cortex] is responsible for cognitive analysis and abstract thought, and the moderation of “correct” behavior in social situations. The prefrontal cortex takes in information from all of the senses and orchestrates thoughts and actions to achieve specific goals. The prefrontal cortex is one of the last regions of the brain to reach maturation. This delay may help to explain why some adolescents act the way they do.”

While this medical fact does explain why teens take longer to be responsible, it doesn’t mean that they are incapable of thinking through their actions or considering the consequences. These are learned responses, so persevere in your attempts to instill a sense of responsibility and help your teens to consider the consequences of their actions for themselves and the people around them.

5-step method

Start by helping your teen to identify their physical and natural reactions or ‘gut’ feelings. When they feel anxious or uncomfortable about a suggestion that a friend or classmate proposes, they should take a minute to think before acting. Learning to identify these triggers will help them to institute their 5-step program. Giving your teens tangible steps to avoiding trouble in the future is far more likely to have a positive outcome.

1. Count to 10: When a friend or classmate suggests something that your teen is not comfortable with, they should not answer right away but should take a minute to think about the idea before agreeing.
2. Consider consequences: Teach your teen to ask themselves questions like: What could go wrong? Will this hurt anyone? How will this affect me and my loved ones?
3. Suggest an alternative: Easier than refusing, suggesting a reasonable alternative will make it easier to switch the focus and move on to a less damaging activity.
4. Say no: This is tough, but if all else fails, help your student to find the words they need to say no. Role-play different scenarios with them so that they are ready when these situations present themselves. When they do mess up, be understanding and discuss ways in which they could have extricated themselves from the situation without losing face. Remind them that standing up for themselves is far more likely to earn respect.
5. Be the bad guy: Have a code word that your teen can text to you that tells you to call them. That way they can take a call from you and ask advice about situations that they are feeling uncomfortable about. You can also have a code word that lets you know they need help. You can pick them up and be the ‘bad guy’ while they save face with friends and avoid dangerous situations.

Follow us on twitter to get blog link updates - @tutordoc

Help your Student to Fit In at School

Of course you want your student to be an individual who is not a slave to peer pressure, but a sense of belonging is essential to the health and wellbeing of every student. If your student feels like they don’t fit in, there are ways in which you can encourage greater social interaction so that they feel part of a group and enjoy a happy social life. Students who do have a healthy social circle will do better academically.

A sense of self-worth

Foster a sense of self-identity in your student by providing positive reinforcement. Focus on their strengths and encourage them to find an identity through what they wear and what they think. Teach them that being generous and kind to everyone, regardless of the clique or group they come from, is the best way to make friends.

Active listening

As students mature, they may be going through difficult social situations or bullying without telling you because they fear your involvement. Often students don’t want advice or are afraid that you will take action that will embarrass them. Instead, practice active listening — listen to your students without offering advice or criticizing. Instead, try phrases like: “It sounds like you had a really bad day…”, “I’m so sorry that that happened to you…” or “I hear what you are saying…” Active listening is a great way to get your student to communicate; you can monitor the situation to see if they are experiencing any bullying or if they are managing on their own. Establishing communications can be really tricky with older students, so persevere. If your students ask for advice, be constructive rather than critical. Active listening is really challenging for parents as they want to make things better. Instead you have to separate your needs from what your student needs. Establishing a connection is more important so that your student will turn to you when they are in real trouble or in need of help. Resist the urge to solve problems or dispense advice in favor of creating connections.

Check in with teachers

If you notice a change in your student’s behavior or circle of friends, check in with their teachers to see if they are doing ok. Teachers and councilors can help you get an insight into events at school and how best to deal with them. Periods of not fitting in socially are completely normal. Perhaps your student has changed grades or schools or maybe they have had a falling out with their clique. Learning to deal with these changes and learning to fit in are all part of growing up. It’s difficult for parents because they often have insights they want to share or solutions to their student’s problems and they have a natural desire to want to help their children. It’s important to maintain a connection with your students, so often you will have to listen to them and resist the urge to get involved. That way, when they really need help, they know they can come to you and are more likely to do so.