How do I know I'm Not Failing as a Parent?

All parents ask themselves: I don’t want to fail my kids, how do I know I am a “good” parent? No parent will do everything well, and that’s OK. Focus on what you are doing well instead of where you think you are failing. If you are a parent who does each of these nine things listed below, you get a gold star. As for me, and most likely a lot of other parents, I do not excel at every one of these, and that’s OK!

• I meet my child’s needs. My children have food to eat and a place to sleep, and they are loved. As basic as this sounds, providing these necessities helps me know that my children’s basic needs for childhood development are being met.

• I help my child. It can be overwhelming when my child comes home with a project and needs to be able to name all the periodic elements or write an essay on the deepest lake in Guam. I know little about these topics, but I am there to help him through it. It can be overwhelming for my child, so I play it cool and learn something along with him.

• I am present. I am in the school gymnasium for my child’s award for perfect attendance, at the soccer field for the soccer participant award and will be there to see him receive his Ph.D. I am present when I can be and proud of his accomplishments. My children will remember that I was present well into their adulthood and know I care.

• I provide routine. Since my children were young, we’ve had routine in their lives. I know children need structure and routine to thrive. I have provided structure in our home from an early age, which will help them transition to school with little disturbance. My children feel safe in their predictability at home.

• I am consistent. I am consistent and firm in the way I parent. I have realistic rules in our home and am able to enforce them. Being consistent from an early age helps my child feel secure.

• I am a parent, not a friend. My child will have many friends over the course of his life, and I am their mom. My children need me for the roles their friends cannot fill. I’m happy to be that person.

• I am involved. I know the people who are educating my children. I volunteer at their school and talk to their teachers. By being involved, I know what is happening in their world.

• I know my child’s friends. “Show me a child’s friends, and I will show you their future.” I find much truth in this statement. I help my children to be aware of who their friends are and what a positive influence can mean in their lives.

• I am not too hard on myself. I don’t have to be the June Cleaver of the 21st century. I look after myself and my children, and I can feel good about that.

Give yourself some credit and brag to us about what you are doing well as a parent.

-Jody A

The Highs and Lows of Report Card Day

Your child’s first report card of the school year, and each one thereafter, can bring feelings of excitement, bliss and pride; it can also cause disappointment, frustration and concern. In either scenario, each reporting period is a time to reflect on the good, and/or not so good, and prepare your child for a fresh start! Here are some tips to get the conversation going:

• Make it a game of high-low! Ask your kids what they feel is the “high” of their report cards, and let them know you are proud of their hard work. Secondly, ask what they feel is the “low” of their report card and have a discussion about how that grade was earned.Then discuss ways to improve on the “low.”
• Talk to your kids about their work habits, goals and challenging subjects. From there, try setting short-term goals for the next quarter and long-term goals for the end of the school year.
• Stay positive! Be careful not to overreact to low grades or grades you deem unacceptable. It can be damaging to children’s confidence and have adverse effects of improvement. Find something to praise, even if it is just perfect attendance or a small improvement in a certain area.
• Have an open dialogue with your children and let them tell you how they think they did. This gives them an opportunity to be transparent and sets the tone for parents. By talking openly, you can identify the issues and determine the best steps to create solutions.

During report card time, the most important thing for parents to do is to keep the lines of communication open with your children, as well as their teachers, to create a plan to further your children’s academic success. Remember that a report card is only a snapshot of how your child is performing in school and does not speak to all of their potential. Progress is key, and if you keep that in mind, you will be able to offer the support your child needs to be successful in all of his or her academic endeavors.

Homework Help Tips for Parents

With school in session, I have more time. That trip to the gym is easier to squeeze in around my work schedule. The days are less stressful…and then the kids come home and that means I’m on homework help duty.

*insert ominous music here*

The house that was quiet, the laundry that was folded, the email that was half answered are all now a memory because there are things that have to be done … homework! To be quite honest, I was not always a big fan of homework. I saw it as busy work the kids were required to complete at the expense of play. I have changed my mind a bit and so has my approach to getting the work done.

• Homework is the time that I can see how my child is learning. Sitting down and working through a few problems with him shows me what he has grasped and what he hasn’t grasped.That is where my approach to homework help has changed.
• I have taken control over the areas that are still a struggle.At first, I was worried I wouldn’t teach it right or confuse the issue, but jumping in and doing it has made me realize that my kids need my help, even if it isn’t exactly how the teacher would do it.
• We spend the majority of our time on the struggle areas. When it comes to homework help, I tend to have them skip the stuff they seem to have mastered. When this happens, I will often just send a note to the teacher explaining why some things were left blank. In years of writing these notes, I have never had a teacher write back saying that it isn’t OK or penalize my child with a lower homework score for empty answer spaces.
• On most days, homework help really looks like my checking in for a moment on a particularly challenging subject. Once in a while, it looks like a mini class on the kitchen table.
• By checking in, I have also been able to determine when to bring in reinforcements. I have to admit, providing my kids with homework help isn’t always easy for me. On two occasions, the teaching was beyond what I had the skill or energy to do, so the kids went to tutoring to fill in the gap. The downside of this approach is that it takes time on my part. It isn’t always the easiest thing to fit into the family schedule!
• The other issue that I have had was that my children aren’t always thrilled to have mom’s intervention.Whining about extra work and arguing that they already “know how to do it” has been a regular part of my experience.

Holly is a  mom of three boys ages 7, 9 and 12. She has found out (the hard way) that one of the secrets to raising boys is keeping them tired, which is why she writes Kids Activities Blog, an online scrapbook of family activities, learning adventures and tips for maintaining parental sanity. Holly is such a believer in nap time that when her boys stopped taking them, she started.